Spring Cleaning

It's so much easier to stay stuck and safe. Right? But when I think wisely I can see all the progress I have made. I feel like I'm like a caterpillar pushing very hard and painfully out of the chrysalis (or cocoon) to become A butterfly. Light and souring high.

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Why I'm Worth Recovery

My soul, my source of life, is more precious than all the diamonds in the world!!
My body is the miraculous gift without which my soul would not be able to achieve its perfection.
When I abuse my body, I am essentially, degrading my soul. 
I am taking the diamond and grinding it into dust.

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Perfectionism.

Notice that in perfectionism there are a lot of needs. Of course they aren't real needs like air and water, but to the perfectionist, they are just as crucial as the basic necessities are. This need puts immense pressure onto the perfectionist and makes her feel inadequate. The perfectionist is one who feels no matter what she's doing, it's never enough to live up to the standards she sets for herself.

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What they don't tell you about recovery

Recovery is not a straight line: 
Sometimes it can be falling behind before even taking a single step forward. 
Sometimes it can feel like all you're doing is accumulating more problems as time goes on. 
Sometimes it means giving it everything you have and not seeing anything in return. 

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Transforming my eating disorder into a learning experience

The first session I had with Iris, she drew a flower. In the center of the flower she wrote "my body," and in each petal I had to write something I liked about myself. We then discussed how no one notices the center of the flower, but they pay attention to the petals. The petals are what matter and what make you, you. ED blinds you from seeing this, and only allows you to focus on the center of the flower, but in recovery I'm learning to focus on my petals and helping them to flourish.

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Recovery is allowing myself to live

I am the laughs I've had and the tears I've cried. I am all the little moments in my life, that seem insignificant, but are oh so vital. I am me and there is no one anywhere like me. I am unique. I am talented. I am loved. I am a daughter, a sister, a neighbor, a friend. I am anything that I want to be, except one thing: I am not ED. 

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Inspiration From My Imperfect Puzzle

Two missing pieces. Those two pieces caused frustration, annoyance and disappointment. But they were also the cause of a big life lesson. As the sign above the puzzle reads, "It is not perfect but it is still beautiful, as are you." Nothing is perfect, not this puzzle, not you, not me and not anybody. But that doesn't mean that we aren't beautiful. 

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Reflecting back on my relationship with my Eating Disorder

I can’t erase you. You are my past. You are 9 years of my past. You uncomfortably tangled my heart and unkindly controlled my body. I close my eyes and try to forget but you left a mark. I can tear a paper, delete posts, throw out pictures, and move forward; but, I can never erase you. I can continue to overcome you. I can help others escape you. I can keep others from falling into your devious arms

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