Now as we just about bentched ראש חודש ניסן And asked Hashem to provide us with long life with health and happiness ect...
I was pondering to myself, this is the month of purity. Cleaning, organizing, sorting and setting goals to achieve. You know, in someway I feel like for the past six months I have been cleansing my body, soul, and mind.
I have been, and still am cleaning bad habits out of my mind and body, sorting, good things from bad, sorting my past, my present, and my future life. Organizing what my priorities are in life. What's important to me. What my inner values are. Who I am. What I want. What my body wants. I set goals for myself to achieve.
It was a decision I had to make on my own . And making a choice in the dark wasn't easy. In fact it was very painfully difficult. It meant taking the risk of losing my privacy, my comfort, my control, my seemingly super life. I knew It would also mean facing humility and exposing my bad habits, talk about it to someone I don't know.
You might not understand how hard it was for me, but I can now say brave and courageous too. What I found by going to therapy is that therapists are in fact, not money-hungry at all! Rather they have a unique skill and talent of encouraging, understanding and helping, the client become aware of new tools and techniques to overcome a personal challenge one is struggling with.
I won't lie, it's very arduous and frightening of letting go of an old or bad habit, and even I sometimes still doubt if I have done the right step. It's so much easier to stay stuck and safe. Right? But when I think wisely I can see all the progress I have made. I feel like I'm like a caterpillar pushing very hard and painfully out of the chrysalis (or cocoon) to become A butterfly. Light and souring high.
It seems funny, but if you think into it, transformation and real change can only happen through hard work (and תפילה). I feel reborn. I feel like a pilot, but I am not controlling the cockpit of an airplane , rather the pilot of my own life. The direction I take will lead me to the destination so I must choose wisely. I now know how to deal with a hard minute, person, choice and habit. I know I made the right choice and feel quite proud of it.
Hashem created every human being imperfect, with different strengths and weaknesses.
It is so much easier to point out my weaknesses. But instead I now know how to point out, and focus on my inner strength (which I never knew existed in me), to overcome my challenges and become a better person.
Stopping to resist and facing acceptance is the key to success and It made me appreciate what Hashem wants from me and where he is leading me to.
It's hard but very worth it.
Have a happy and kosher Pesach.